BUMS High Rank Submission to Climate Change Review 2017

BUMS High Rank Submission to Climate Change Review 2017

5 May 2017 Climate Change Policies Review - Discussion Paper submissions 2017 Review Branch Department of the Environment and Energy GPO Box 787 Canberra ACT 2601 Via: climatechangereview@environment.gov.au Submission to: Climate Change Review 2017 Global worming (or,...

Hey Malcolm, choose our Hackers Guild!

Hey Malcolm, choose our Hackers Guild!

Is “democracy” (chortle!) standing in the way of your unlimited financial ambitions? Call the Hackers Guild on 1800 666 666 now! Having trouble getting approval to frack or mine nature reserves, National Parks, sacred sites or pesky farmers’ land? The Hackers’ Guild...

Climate Guardians Descend on US Consulate Melbourne

Climate Guardians Descend on US Consulate Melbourne

As the new US Republican Administration’s assaults on human rights and environmental protections continue to mount, they're being met with ongoing and unprecedented demonstrations of determined resistance. Last monday’s ‘Presidents Day’ 2017 (20th February) saw...

The Clean Coal Fairy™ (every polluter’s fantasy)

The Clean Coal Fairy™ (every polluter’s fantasy)

Federal Cabinet Ministers fondling lumps of coal in parliament is all the evidence needed to prove that digging & dealing & burning is what makes Australia the truly greatest quarry in the world. To unequivocally allay the doubts of any deniers out there, the...

‘Coal by Josh and Matt’ (and Malcolm) grades high-rank

Dear Poet, Thank you for submitting to ClimAct’s inaugural Pen a Coal Poem for Christmas Competition. In case you didn’t read the automated disclaimer carefully—as Gina’s A1-devotee—Coral Bleach's Our Profits was always entitled to win. Like Gina, Coral must always...

Our Auntie is Not a Murdoch

The tried and tested means of transferring invaluable public assets—assets that were established by generations of citizens—into private hands goes like this: Proclaim that the nation’s budget is out of control and cut taxes for corporations and the wealthiest people...

Crashing the IPA’s Coalabration!

Crashing the IPA’s Coalabration!

As always, the latest Institute of Public Affairs gala was a glorious occasion for us billionaire miners! We hobble-knobbled among corporate global giants including Texas Public Policy Foundation & Koch Brothers funded Chuck DeVore whose advice to the rapturous...

From ashes to ashes, bye bye Hazelwood. Finally

From ashes to ashes, bye bye Hazelwood. Finally

Hazelwood fired up on the eve of the inaugural UN 'Earth Summit' (1972). Ironically it was at this Summit that the first UN declaration was made re addressing the seriousness of climate change. The old and decrepit Hazelwood is an appalling polluter. It has long been...

Your Taxes @ Work

Mar 6, 2017

Bff Australian Broadcasting COALition captains Michelle & Vanessa Guthrie

Bff Australian Broadcasting COALture captains Michelle & Vanessa Guthrie

Backed by neo-heavyweights, including BUMS* CEO2 Coral Bleach, Michelle & Vanessa Guthrie (no relation) have united on the ABC’s board to usher in a new era of ‘balance’ from the public broadcaster!

Ever since Ruppie’s daddy Keith helped found the Institute of Public Affairs (IPA) and the LNP way back in the day—more than 70 years ago!— Coal Diggers have longed to be the guardians of Australia’s trusted public broadcaster. They just love playing with microphones! And given their role in preserving ‘jobs, jobs, jobs and growth’ in Australia’s prostrated coaltural heartland, Coal Diggers are after all fully entitled to not pay taxes or for advertising.

Rebranding the ABC: Australian Broadcasting COALition

Rebranding the ABC: Australian Broadcasting COALition

Thus, t’was indeed a triumph when the Turnbull government overruled that pesky independent selection panel to appoint Vanessa Guthrie— chairwoman of the Minerals Council of Australia to ABC’s board.

ABC board heavyweights Michelle & Vanessa Guthrie (soul sistas, no relation)

ABC board heavyweights Michelle & Vanessa Guthrie (soul sistas, no relation)

Thanks to the Coal Diggers, Australians will now fund and enjoy endless images of their leaders lovingly fondling lumps of coal in parliament while being force fed fossil fuel industry spin about renewable energy’s alleged role in causing blackouts. And for the kiddies, they’ll like so dig the soon to be released Hey Clean-Coal Fairy clip, adapted—with mineral intervention (oops minimal! 😘 )—from Wiggles’ classic Hey There Wally!

Community minded BUMS help ABC broadcasters learn to love coal too!

Community minded BUMS help ABC broadcasters learn to love coal too!

Hey Clean-Coal Fairy, you’ve got to save our BUMS!

Clean-Coal, Clean-Coal, Clean-Coal, Clean-Coal Fairy, clean that carbon outa coal

You’ve got to make coal sparkle green

Just keep on a’ digging and’a dealing

Your wand keeps going round in circles, so BUMS stay super rich!

 

Hey Clean-Coal Fairy, you’ve got to save our BUMS!

Clean-Coal, Clean-Coal, Clean-Coal, Clean-Coal Fairy, keep waving your wand

You gotta be a great musician, yeas, aah, if only

Gotta wave your magic wand

Oh yea clean our coal, so BUMS stay super rich!

 

Hey Clean-Coal Fairy, you’re gotta be a great magician

You gotta clean that carbon outa coal

No, no, no, you’re gonna be the best magician

Yeah, ha, ha, ha, the best magician in the world

Ladies and Gentleman, introducing Clean-Coal Fairy, the best

Magician that ever lived, totes bff to billionaires,

Hey, Magician we mean, ha ha ha ha ha

No, no autographs, no please, stand back, no no, ha ha

You might find out her secrets, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha

Remember magic isn’t magic when you know how it’s done

Hee hee, weeeeeeee

And now for Fairy’s first trick, Ahhh, thya, thya, oh that’s right

First taxpayers pay our BUMS!

* Billionaires United Mining Services – a joint venture PPP (aka Protecting Private Profits) with Australia’s LNP Leaders

 

20170302-dsc08777_32421725013_o