Bff Australian Broadcasting COALture captains Michelle & Vanessa Guthrie
Backed by neo-heavyweights, including BUMS* CEO2 Coral Bleach, Michelle & Vanessa Guthrie (no relation) have united on the ABC’s board to usher in a new era of ‘balance’ from the public broadcaster!
Ever since Ruppie’s daddy Keith helped found the Institute of Public Affairs (IPA) and the LNP way back in the day—more than 70 years ago!— Coal Diggers have longed to be the guardians of Australia’s trusted public broadcaster. They just love playing with microphones! And given their role in preserving ‘jobs, jobs, jobs and growth’ in Australia’s prostrated coaltural heartland, Coal Diggers are after all fully entitled to not pay taxes or for advertising.
Rebranding the ABC: Australian Broadcasting COALition
Thus, t’was indeed a triumph when the Turnbull government overruled that pesky independent selection panel to appoint Vanessa Guthrie— chairwoman of the Minerals Council of Australia to ABC’s board.
ABC board heavyweights Michelle & Vanessa Guthrie (soul sistas, no relation)
Thanks to the Coal Diggers, Australians will now fund and enjoy endless images of their leaders lovingly fondling lumps of coal in parliament while being force fed fossil fuel industry spin about renewable energy’s alleged role in causing blackouts. And for the kiddies, they’ll like so dig the soon to be released Hey Clean-Coal Fairy clip, adapted—with mineral intervention (oops minimal! 😘 )—from Wiggles’ classic Hey There Wally!
Community minded BUMS help ABC broadcasters learn to love coal too!
Hey Clean-Coal Fairy, you’ve got to save our BUMS!
Clean-Coal, Clean-Coal, Clean-Coal, Clean-Coal Fairy, clean that carbon outa coal
You’ve got to make coal sparkle green
Just keep on a’ digging and’a dealing
Your wand keeps going round in circles, so BUMS stay super rich!
Hey Clean-Coal Fairy, you’ve got to save our BUMS!
Clean-Coal, Clean-Coal, Clean-Coal, Clean-Coal Fairy, keep waving your wand
You gotta be a great musician, yeas, aah, if only
Gotta wave your magic wand
Oh yea clean our coal, so BUMS stay super rich!
Hey Clean-Coal Fairy, you’re gotta be a great magician
You gotta clean that carbon outa coal
No, no, no, you’re gonna be the best magician
Yeah, ha, ha, ha, the best magician in the world
Ladies and Gentleman, introducing Clean-Coal Fairy, the best
Magician that ever lived, totes bff to billionaires,
Hey, Magician we mean, ha ha ha ha ha
No, no autographs, no please, stand back, no no, ha ha
You might find out her secrets, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
Remember magic isn’t magic when you know how it’s done
Hee hee, weeeeeeee
And now for Fairy’s first trick, Ahhh, thya, thya, oh that’s right
First taxpayers pay our BUMS!
* Billionaires United Mining Services – a joint venture PPP (aka Protecting Private Profits) with Australia’s LNP Leaders
