Here they are - Coral Bleach and The Coal Heads - at Parliament station standing up for BUMS, ahem, YOUR rightful rights and entitlements on the eve of Australia's Federal Election 2022! Making sure that peeps don't be fooled by other peeps' FAKE NEWS*!...
COP26 Bridge to Zero Emissions Performance
Sunday, 31st October 2021, from 7pm to sunset in Melbourne (from 8am Glasgow, UK time)
A performed installation of newly created music to send a powerful message to United Nations delegates as they arrived for Day 1 of COP26 climate negotiations.
As dusk fell, seven Climate Guardians performed on Melbourne’s iconic Princes Bridge; one Angel for each of the Earth’s continents. Joining as Angels, composers/musicians Susan Bamford Caleo and Elissa Goodrich performed their specially created music arranged for Federation Handbells.
A Deadly Gas Grab
To mark World Environment Day 2021, we're challenging one of Australia's most polluting proposals - BHP & Woodside's Scarborough LNG project. Seriously dodgy carbon accounting practices are enabling fossil fuel companies to exempt emissions from projects that they...
Climate Guardians Visit Westernport’s Crib Point, Threatened by AGL’s Gas Import Project
Image courtesy of Julian Meehan As reported in The Mornington Peninsula News, Climate Guardians proudly joined concerned local citizens from Save Westernport at Crib Point’s Woolley’s Beach on Monday 22 February. Our visit was strategically timed to coincide with the...
Facts vs Falsehoods and other news
As challenging as well as deeply unfairly felt as lockdowns have been, COVID-19’s capacity to expose democracy’s diseases has been exceptional. At least it seems that a lot more people are seriously considering what the point is of: • leaders who wilfully ignore...
BUMS Stand Up for AGL!
What follows is BUMS official submission to this heinous Victorian Government Inquiry: 24 August 2020 Crib Point Inquiry and Advisory Committee Planning Panels Victoria SUBMISSION: Crib Point gas import jetty and gas pipeline project Dear Sir/Madam, This Inquiry is...
COALvid-19: “Hellscape” for Carbon Barons
In this leaked email from Coal Digger Coral Bleach to ScoMo, Aussie billionaire fossil fuel doyens plead for further massive public handouts. Dearly Devoted ScoMo, We can't thank you and your fossil fuel friendly office enough for entrusting us with Australia's...
Urgent Message to COP25 Delegates: Time for Cooperative Agreements
As United Nations delegates were arriving for Day 1 of COP25 climate negotiations in Madrid, 624 pairs of hand cast clay skins from Bridget Nicholson’s Touch This Earth Lightly project lay in tight neat rows on the banks of the Yarra River opposite Federation Square...
BHP: Evolve Your Purpose
Dear Mr Henry, Congratulations on your new role as BHP's CEO. We feel encouraged by reports suggesting that you intend continuing BHP's progress in response to fast evolving community expectations that companies take responsibility for their impacts on communities and...
Here To Win Not Fight: IMARC Blockade for Climate Justice
Climate Guardians are immensely proud to have joined hundreds of courageous people from all walks of life—teachers, musicians, traditional custodians, doctors, writers, artists, labourers, nurses, academics and so on—at the recent IMARC (International Mining and...
Coral Bleach: Queen of Global Neo-COALonial Movement
It was World Threatened Species Day, which resonated deeply with us Coal Diggers given the mounting, grave threats we face from the lefty-greenie-driven global uptake of solar and wind extractors! 🌞🌀
Determined to protect our specie’s way of life (and our effluence💰), at all costs, we decided to reach out to HRH The Queen. After all, without the Monarchy, us Coal Diggers would never have become so divinely enriched and entitled in the first place, right? 🔑👑
Fortuitously we ascertained that 1) as Australians, it’s our birthright to be granted a portrait of our Queen, and that 2) our local MP (and key parliamentary nemesis) The Honourable Adam Bandt was hosting The Inaugural God Save The Queen(s) Portrait Collection Ceremony in the very heart of the smashed avocado 🥑 eating peoples’ den – the Standard Hotel in Fitzroy.
The inner city heartland of the tofu eaters is a dangerous place for Coal Diggers, so we armed ourselves with a copious supply of coking coal to spike the extremist-leftists’ Chardonnays, and a bag of 💰💰💰 (aka “political donations”) to secure Adam’s favor and to put an end to the very mean things he’s been saying about our beloved coal. ☹️😢
Ever opportunistic we also naturally decided to capitalize by extracting a free portrait of HRH the Queen, while promoting BUMS* noble cause and generally stealing the show with our effluent and charismatic presence. 🔥💅📢
At one point an emotional CEO2 Coral Bleach proclaimed herself the Queen of the Neo-COALonial movement and claimed the ceremony to be conclusive proof of popular support for her divine reign. BUMS’ Attorney, Lignite Pitt QC (who was in attendance to escort Ms Bleach and to carry the brown paper bags💰) said that this was a case of res ipsa loquitur, so it must be true!
In fairness it has to be said that (after partaking in some coking coal) the Greenies were surprisingly understanding about our justifiable fear of the chronic outbreaks of the CID (Coal Investile Dysfunction) and REF (Renewable Energy Fever) contagia that are sweeping global markets. 💉💊
A particular highlight for us was the Honourable member delivering a passionate speech about how entrenched and influential Coal Diggers still are in Australia’s political system 💪👊, which warmed the cockles of our hearts ❤️ and definitely wasn’t fake news! 📰
Meanwhile, on the other side of town our adversaries were gathering in force at the State Library of Victoria to demand that coal stays IN THE GROUND! Quelle horror! 😖😫😱 Our day therefore took a decided turn for the worse as hundreds of hippies and other malcontents rallied against us vulnerable Coal Diggers as the sun set on Threatened Species Day. 😢
Thank the Lord that we still have the attentive ScoMo however! His prosperity theology 😇🤑 (aka neoliberalism) gets our tick of ✅😃 approval and he fully deserves another lump of coal for Christmas!🎄💰
*Billionaires United Mining Services (aka the Coalition government of Australia)