Frackers’ Guild Joins Forces with the Gas Industry

Frackers’ Guild Joins Forces with the Gas Industry

Clean Water Be Dammed, Burn the Renewable Energy Heretics! The Frackers’ Guild goes back to the year 1033AD to the time when there was a brisk trade in biblical relics and Saint’s body parts. These ‘resurrectionists’ have been digging up the earth for centuries in the...

Coal Diggers Launch New Cookbook

Coal Diggers Launch New Cookbook

The Coal Diggers - Coral Bleach and Hazel Wood launched their new book 'Cooking with Coal & Gas: Recipes for Disaster', at a champaign breakfast the morning before the Victorian State Election 2014. ‬ The Coal Diggers will frack with everyone. During the election...

Anglesea Visitation

Anglesea Visitation

The Climate Guardians were invited by the lovely people of Anglesea to visit the horrible Anglesea Power Station today. A disgrace that this heavily polluting facility is located so close to a primary school and the homes of residents.   Anglesea is the third...

G20 Climate Guardian Angels

G20 Climate Guardian Angels

At the G20 in Brisbane (15 Nov 2014) our Prime Minister turned his back on the future by declaring his loyalty to coal. As the world forms a global village of climate actors Tony Abbot stood forth as its idiot. He hosted a forum of world leaders and not only failed to...

Carbon Price Repeal Legislation

Carbon Price Repeal Legislation

The Climate Guardians portend the danger of the Carbon Price Repeal Legislation at Parliament House Canberra under a bank of ominous cloud.

Climate Guardians Portending

Climate Guardians Portending

"The floor of the House of Representatives might seem light years from the vaulted skies of our planet’s atmosphere but our Parliamentarians must put on record how they will answer their children and grandchildren when they ask at climate departure, ‘what did you do...

The Coal Diggers Seal a Venture Partnership with ANZ

The Coal Diggers Seal a Venture Partnership with ANZ

ANZ is financing Whitehaven Coal's Maules Creek project, one of three open pit coal mines proposed for NSW Leard State Forest. If it proceeds the project will clear thousands of hectares of native habitat, including 500 hectares of critically endangered White Box-Gum...

Coal Diggers’ Landmark Claim against Mums, Dads and Farmers!

May 17, 2017

Here we are out the front of the prestigious 101 Collins Street tower with our fully automated, artificially intelligent Clean Coal Fairy. Our Coaly Trinity flyers went like hot cakes!

How could we just stand by while poor Gina is being picked on for suing Victorians for $2.7bn for not letting her local pet company, Lakes Oil, frack where it wants, and Guatam fields such unreasonable attacks from all the little people having tanties and trying to #StopAdani from digging & dealing away the Galilee Basin, Great Barrier Reef and global climate? To lend our succour in these hard times, BUMS* great CEO2 Coral Bleach has joined Gina and Guatam in a ‘Coaly Trinity’ of aggrieved fossil fuel billionaires.

Our CEO2 Coral Bleach and Attorney Lignite Pitt QC arguing our case on Level 42, 101 Collins Street. Naturally, everybody at Herbert Smith Freehills adored us and stopped everything to attend to our needs.

So, it’s official, we Coal Digger BUMS* are now formally seeking to retain a prestigious law firm to represent us in a claim for $666 billion in lost profits suffered as a direct consequence of ongoing government failure to address Coal Investile Dysfunction (“CID”). And where best to start but the impressive offices of leading prestigious global law firm Herbert Smith Freehills.

After interviewing prospects at Herbert Smith Freehills, Coral Bleach joined her mentors and fans as the Clean Coal Fairy wowed the crowd

You must know that “CID” is a pernicious and vile contagion that is sweeping global financial markets, thereby wiping out trillions in our rightful profits. We contend that the Magna Carta (on its proper construction) protects fossil fuel billionaires’ entitlement to ongoing compulsory contributions from Australian energy consumers and taxpayers and that this entitlement has been insufficiently protected by successive Australian governments.

Aren’t we an impressive bunch of non-hierarchical billionaire BUMS!

As our Attorney, Lignite Pitt QC of Bigend & Town Solicitors, will be arguing, it’s as a direct result of ongoing egregious governmental failures that elitist, leftant green energy alternatives (i.e. solar extractors on the roofs of mums & dads and wind exploiters in farmers’ fields) have been allowed to undermine the rightful position of coal and to grievously infringe our said entitlement to profits and subsidies. Such assaults on our effluence is plainly unAustralian and we contend that it ‘sounds in’ compensatory and punitive damages under the Investor State Dispute Settlement clauses of neoliberal international agreements that are intended to safeguard our naturally divined profits and effluence.

Isn’t it wonderful how the police drop everything for us billionaires even though we never pay our taxes

As our great leader Coral Bleach proudly identifies as one of the ‘Coaly Trinity’, and our case is compelling from both a legal and moral perspective, we have an expectation that “mates rates” will apply. Of course.

* Billionaires United Mining Services – a joint venture PPP (aka Protecting Private Profits) with Australia’s LNP Leaders and their financial backers.