Hey Malcolm, choose our Hackers Guild!

Hey Malcolm, choose our Hackers Guild!

Is “democracy” (chortle!) standing in the way of your unlimited financial ambitions? Call the Hackers Guild on 1800 666 666 now! Having trouble getting approval to frack or mine nature reserves, National Parks, sacred sites or pesky farmers’ land? The Hackers’ Guild...

Your Taxes @ Work

Your Taxes @ Work

Backed by neo-heavyweights, including BUMS* CEO2 Coral Bleach, Michelle & Vanessa Guthrie (no relation) have united on the ABC's board to usher in a new era of ‘balance’ from the public broadcaster! Ever since Ruppie’s daddy Keith helped found the Institute of...

Climate Guardians Descend on US Consulate Melbourne

Climate Guardians Descend on US Consulate Melbourne

As the new US Republican Administration’s assaults on human rights and environmental protections continue to mount, they're being met with ongoing and unprecedented demonstrations of determined resistance. Last monday’s ‘Presidents Day’ 2017 (20th February) saw...

The Clean Coal Fairy™ (every polluter’s fantasy)

The Clean Coal Fairy™ (every polluter’s fantasy)

Federal Cabinet Ministers fondling lumps of coal in parliament is all the evidence needed to prove that digging & dealing & burning is what makes Australia the truly greatest quarry in the world. To unequivocally allay the doubts of any deniers out there, the...

‘Coal by Josh and Matt’ (and Malcolm) grades high-rank

Dear Poet, Thank you for submitting to ClimAct’s inaugural Pen a Coal Poem for Christmas Competition. In case you didn’t read the automated disclaimer carefully—as Gina’s A1-devotee—Coral Bleach's Our Profits was always entitled to win. Like Gina, Coral must always...

Our Auntie is Not a Murdoch

The tried and tested means of transferring invaluable public assets—assets that were established by generations of citizens—into private hands goes like this: Proclaim that the nation’s budget is out of control and cut taxes for corporations and the wealthiest people...

Crashing the IPA’s Coalabration!

Crashing the IPA’s Coalabration!

As always, the latest Institute of Public Affairs gala was a glorious occasion for us billionaire miners! We hobble-knobbled among corporate global giants including Texas Public Policy Foundation & Koch Brothers funded Chuck DeVore whose advice to the rapturous...

From ashes to ashes, bye bye Hazelwood. Finally

From ashes to ashes, bye bye Hazelwood. Finally

Hazelwood fired up on the eve of the inaugural UN 'Earth Summit' (1972). Ironically it was at this Summit that the first UN declaration was made re addressing the seriousness of climate change. The old and decrepit Hazelwood is an appalling polluter. It has long been...

BUMS High Rank Submission to Climate Change Review 2017

May 5, 2017

Coral Bleach & the ‘Clean Coal Fairy’ take a well deserved snortle break during the drafting of BUMS high rank submission

5 May 2017

Climate Change Policies Review – Discussion Paper submissions
2017 Review Branch
Department of the Environment and Energy
GPO Box 787
Canberra ACT 2601
Via: climatechangereview@environment.gov.au

Submission to: Climate Change Review 2017

Global worming (or, as commoners call it, ‘climate change’ real, imagined and/or alternative facts) is unfairly affecting Coal Diggers & dealers lives and emergency measures must be taken to protect us and all doyens of the fossil fuel industry from associated grave threats as a result of:

  • Ravages from intensifying financial storms caused by Coal Investile Dysfunction, a vile contagion that is sweeping global markets wiping out trillions in rightful billionaire profits, ultimately threatening Coal Diggers entitled way of life
  • Existential threats from increasingly intense exposure to adverse impacts from the willy nilly erection of wind turbines that sap vast amounts of roaring 40s renewable winds and threaten to pull Australia in the wrong direction,
  • off-the-shelf-affordable-hyper-efficient solar panels that are swamping our shores and sucking the suns rays out of Australia’s substratosphere and depositing them over foreign-people-owned factories where the offending solar panels were manufactured,
  • rolling tidal waves of cutting edge energy efficiency, storage & distribution systems that are enabling ordinary people to be rid of Coal Diggers’ grid, thereby reducing compulsory contributions to all fossil fuel doyens and their political (that’s you btw, don’t forget!) and financial backers, and
  • any other discriminatory factors, that could compromise Coal Diggers & dealers’ entrenched, rightful effluence.

So, the only acceptable global worming (real, imagined and/or alternative facts) policies are those that will most quickly and quantifiably:

  • further increase generous public subsidies for further research into ‘clean coal’ (real, imagined and/or alternative facts), such as BUMS’ ‘Clean Coal Fairy’
  • further increase generous public subsidies for fossil fuel infrastructure to enable us to weather increasingly ferocious storms caused no doubt by wind turbines,
  • expand approvals for thermal coal that—as Coalition Senators Chris Back and Jonathon Dunlam absolutely rightfully argue—will combat climate change caused by wind turbines,
  • ban all wind turbines, solar panels and batteries for them quick smart, and
  • outlaw all science backed public debate that threatens the ongoing ‘growth growth growth’ in effluence of fossil fuel doyens naturally entitled to further enrich themselves by extracting Australia’s mineral rich substrata, including any subliminally disempowering mentions of this being the ‘sunburnt country’ because that may give people radical ‘energy democracy’ ideas.

So, as you indeed reign huge among our bigly devoted minions, know that Lignite Pitt Q.C. of BUMS’ BIGEND & TOWN Solicitors is at your service should you have any queries about our rightful submission.

Yours minerally,

Coral Bleach
CEO2
Billionaires United Mining Services (BUMS)
GPO 666
Canary Islands

We expect Coalition minions to grant our submission highest rank priority!