BUMS Stand Up for AGL!

Locked Down Coral Bleach Zooming with COALition Fans

What follows is BUMS official submission to this heinous Victorian Government Inquiry:

24 August 2020

Crib Point Inquiry and Advisory Committee
Planning Panels Victoria

SUBMISSION: Crib Point gas import jetty and gas pipeline project

Dear Sir/Madam,

This Inquiry is just another example of the gross discrimination and outrageous oppression being inflicted upon fossil fuel doyens in Victoria!

Of course, we should be able to cover Victoria with gas terminals and pipelines as we see fit! After all, how else could Aussie’s have overtaken Saudi Arabia and Russia to become the world’s biggest frackers?!

Meanwhile, as substrata devotees, of course you can be assured that our fracking projects would never disturb any of our giant coal pits and quarries.

We contend that the Magna Carta (on its proper construction) protects fossil fuel billionaires’ entitlement to ongoing compulsory contributions from Victorian energy consumers and taxpayers and that this entitlement has been insufficiently protected by the Victorian ALP government.

As a result of ongoing egregious failures to protect BUMS rightful rights, elitist, leftist-green latté sipping energy alternatives (i.e. solar extractors on the roofs of mums & dads houses and wind exploiters in farmers’ fields backed up by cutting edge batteries) have been allowed to undermine the legacy position of fossil fuels.

We cannot allow this interference in the growth of our beloved gas to grievously infringe our said entitlement to profits and subsidies (upon which the former entirely rely for basic survival).

As our ‘mates’ in charge of the National Coalvid Commission—that is demonstrably in charge of Australia—will assert, this Inquiry represents an assault on our supreme effluence and is plainly unAustralian.  We contend that it sounds in compensatory and punitive damages under the Investor State Dispute Settlement clauses of the TPP, and related neoliberal international agreements that are intended to safeguard our legacy power over power (in all its manifestations!), and profits to ensure our continued effluence into the future.

We Stand With AGL! And, with our high-level Attorney, Lignite Pit QC, we will see you in court!!

Ms Coral Bleach

CEO2
Billionaires United Mining Services (BUMS)
PO Box 666
Melbourne Victoria 3000
Website: climacts.org.au

COALvid-19: “Hellscape” for Carbon Barons

BUMS* CEO2 Coral Bleach poses for Zoom as Australia becomes the world’s biggest digger & dealer

In this leaked email from Coal Digger Coral Bleach to ScoMo, Aussie billionaire fossil fuel doyens plead for further massive public handouts

Dearly Devoted ScoMo,

We can’t thank you and your fossil fuel friendly office enough for entrusting us with Australia’s economy. Free from democratic constraints and any other green tape, our National Coalvid Coordination Commission (NCCC, starring us 🤩) is drilling down even deeper thanks to all that lovely taxpayers’ money!  No virus (or science or economics etc) will stop our turbo fracking!

While Saudi Arabia and Russia were feuding over oil and gas prices – stranding swollen tankers, decimating supply chains and collapsing market confidence in our carbon economy – we Aussie diggers have stolen the prize as The World’s Biggest Fossil Fuels Digger & Dealer!

As you say ScoMo, ‘How Good is Australia’!

But ScoMo mate, beneath our cheers are fears and tears! As market analysts (with reports with nasty names) are showing, carbon share prices had virtually halved during the decade prior to COALvid-19! That’s right, PRIOR to this carbon demand bashing pandemic.

Even with JobKeeper loopholes for billionaires, we’re literally facing collapse!

And all the while, solar and wind extractors have been stealthily invading our market territory, eroding our super profits and generally creating a ‘hellscape’ for us BUMS*!

Amid global calls to ‘build back better’, and for a ‘Great Reset’, we urge you to stand strong with us ScoMo! Don’t give in to the latte sipping, smashed avocado eating greenest alarmists – bring on more fossil fuel subsidies mate!

Don’t forget Who’s Who in Australia! We know you can deliver!

Yours Forever Effluently,

Ms Coral Bleach
CEO2 Billionaires United Mining Services* (BUMS)
ccd to NCCC via your Department of the Prime Minister and Cabinet

PS: BUMS’ political donation on account of the Government’s great work (nudge nudge wink 😉💰!) is in the coal sack that our man servant threw over the walls of Kirribilli House last night.

ScoMo MiraCoal, That Day in Australia’s Parliament

 

 

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Pentecostal Minister Sergei Carbonacious III*, BUMS CE02 Coral Bleach, Professor Lord Gaseous Mockington^ and Lignite Pitt QC

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