Hey Malcolm, choose our Hackers Guild!

Hey Malcolm, choose our Hackers Guild!

Is “democracy” (chortle!) standing in the way of your unlimited financial ambitions? Call the Hackers Guild on 1800 666 666 now! Having trouble getting approval to frack or mine nature reserves, National Parks, sacred sites or pesky farmers’ land? The Hackers’ Guild...

Your Taxes @ Work

Your Taxes @ Work

Backed by neo-heavyweights, including BUMS* CEO2 Coral Bleach, Michelle & Vanessa Guthrie (no relation) have united on the ABC's board to usher in a new era of ‘balance’ from the public broadcaster! Ever since Ruppie’s daddy Keith helped found the Institute of...

Climate Guardians Descend on US Consulate Melbourne

Climate Guardians Descend on US Consulate Melbourne

As the new US Republican Administration’s assaults on human rights and environmental protections continue to mount, they're being met with ongoing and unprecedented demonstrations of determined resistance. Last monday’s ‘Presidents Day’ 2017 (20th February) saw...

The Clean Coal Fairy™ (every polluter’s fantasy)

The Clean Coal Fairy™ (every polluter’s fantasy)

Federal Cabinet Ministers fondling lumps of coal in parliament is all the evidence needed to prove that digging & dealing & burning is what makes Australia the truly greatest quarry in the world. To unequivocally allay the doubts of any deniers out there, the...

‘Coal by Josh and Matt’ (and Malcolm) grades high-rank

Dear Poet, Thank you for submitting to ClimAct’s inaugural Pen a Coal Poem for Christmas Competition. In case you didn’t read the automated disclaimer carefully—as Gina’s A1-devotee—Coral Bleach's Our Profits was always entitled to win. Like Gina, Coral must always...

Our Auntie is Not a Murdoch

The tried and tested means of transferring invaluable public assets—assets that were established by generations of citizens—into private hands goes like this: Proclaim that the nation’s budget is out of control and cut taxes for corporations and the wealthiest people...

Crashing the IPA’s Coalabration!

Crashing the IPA’s Coalabration!

As always, the latest Institute of Public Affairs gala was a glorious occasion for us billionaire miners! We hobble-knobbled among corporate global giants including Texas Public Policy Foundation & Koch Brothers funded Chuck DeVore whose advice to the rapturous...

From ashes to ashes, bye bye Hazelwood. Finally

From ashes to ashes, bye bye Hazelwood. Finally

Hazelwood fired up on the eve of the inaugural UN 'Earth Summit' (1972). Ironically it was at this Summit that the first UN declaration was made re addressing the seriousness of climate change. The old and decrepit Hazelwood is an appalling polluter. It has long been...

BUMS Stand Up for AGL!

Aug 24, 2020

Locked Down Coral Bleach Zooming with COALition Fans

What follows is BUMS official submission to this heinous Victorian Government Inquiry:

24 August 2020

Crib Point Inquiry and Advisory Committee
Planning Panels Victoria

SUBMISSION: Crib Point gas import jetty and gas pipeline project

Dear Sir/Madam,

This Inquiry is just another example of the gross discrimination and outrageous oppression being inflicted upon fossil fuel doyens in Victoria!

Of course, we should be able to cover Victoria with gas terminals and pipelines as we see fit! After all, how else could Aussie’s have overtaken Saudi Arabia and Russia to become the world’s biggest frackers?!

Meanwhile, as substrata devotees, of course you can be assured that our fracking projects would never disturb any of our giant coal pits and quarries.

We contend that the Magna Carta (on its proper construction) protects fossil fuel billionaires’ entitlement to ongoing compulsory contributions from Victorian energy consumers and taxpayers and that this entitlement has been insufficiently protected by the Victorian ALP government.

As a result of ongoing egregious failures to protect BUMS rightful rights, elitist, leftist-green latté sipping energy alternatives (i.e. solar extractors on the roofs of mums & dads houses and wind exploiters in farmers’ fields backed up by cutting edge batteries) have been allowed to undermine the legacy position of fossil fuels.

We cannot allow this interference in the growth of our beloved gas to grievously infringe our said entitlement to profits and subsidies (upon which the former entirely rely for basic survival).

As our ‘mates’ in charge of the National Coalvid Commission—that is demonstrably in charge of Australia—will assert, this Inquiry represents an assault on our supreme effluence and is plainly unAustralian.  We contend that it sounds in compensatory and punitive damages under the Investor State Dispute Settlement clauses of the TPP, and related neoliberal international agreements that are intended to safeguard our legacy power over power (in all its manifestations!), and profits to ensure our continued effluence into the future.

We Stand With AGL! And, with our high-level Attorney, Lignite Pit QC, we will see you in court!!

Ms Coral Bleach

Billionaires United Mining Services (BUMS)
PO Box 666
Melbourne Victoria 3000
Website: climacts.org.au