COALvid-19: “Hellscape” for Carbon Barons

BUMS* CEO2 Coral Bleach poses for Zoom as Australia becomes the world’s biggest digger & dealer

In this leaked email from Coal Digger Coral Bleach to ScoMo, Aussie billionaire fossil fuel doyens plead for further massive public handouts

Dearly Devoted ScoMo,

We can’t thank you and your fossil fuel friendly office enough for entrusting us with Australia’s economy. Free from democratic constraints and any other green tape, our National Coalvid Coordination Commission (NCCC, starring us 🤩) is drilling down even deeper thanks to all that lovely taxpayers’ money!  No virus (or science or economics etc) will stop our turbo fracking!

While Saudi Arabia and Russia were feuding over oil and gas prices – stranding swollen tankers, decimating supply chains and collapsing market confidence in our carbon economy – we Aussie diggers have stolen the prize as The World’s Biggest Fossil Fuels Digger & Dealer!

As you say ScoMo, ‘How Good is Australia’!

But ScoMo mate, beneath our cheers are fears and tears! As market analysts (with reports with nasty names) are showing, carbon share prices had virtually halved during the decade prior to COALvid-19! That’s right, PRIOR to this carbon demand bashing pandemic.

Even with JobKeeper loopholes for billionaires, we’re literally facing collapse!

And all the while, solar and wind extractors have been stealthily invading our market territory, eroding our super profits and generally creating a ‘hellscape’ for us BUMS*!

Amid global calls to ‘build back better’, and for a ‘Great Reset’, we urge you to stand strong with us ScoMo! Don’t give in to the latte sipping, smashed avocado eating greenest alarmists – bring on more fossil fuel subsidies mate!

Don’t forget Who’s Who in Australia! We know you can deliver!

Yours Forever Effluently,

Ms Coral Bleach
CEO2 Billionaires United Mining Services* (BUMS)
ccd to NCCC via your Department of the Prime Minister and Cabinet

PS: BUMS’ political donation on account of the Government’s great work (nudge nudge wink 😉💰!) is in the coal sack that our man servant threw over the walls of Kirribilli House last night.

ScoMo MiraCoal, That Day in Australia’s Parliament

 

 

Urgent Message to COP25 Delegates: Time for Cooperative Agreements

Image courtesy of Julian Meehan

As United Nations delegates were arriving for Day 1 of COP25 climate negotiations in Madrid, 624 pairs of hand cast clay skins from Bridget Nicholson’s Touch This Earth Lightly project lay in tight neat rows on the banks of the Yarra River opposite Federation Square in Melbourne, Australia.
Continue reading

BHP: Evolve Your Purpose

BHP’s global headquarters, Melbourne Australia, Image courtesy of Julian Meehan

Dear Mr Henry,

Congratulations on your new role as BHP’s CEO.

We feel encouraged by reports suggesting that you intend continuing BHP’s progress in response to fast evolving community expectations that companies take responsibility for their impacts on communities and the natural world as together we face terrifying, converging climate and mass extermin Continue reading

Here To Win Not Fight: IMARC Blockade for Climate Justice

Climate Guardians are immensely proud to have joined hundreds of courageous people from all walks of life—teachers, musicians, traditional custodians, doctors, writers, artists, labourers, nurses, academics and so on—at the recent IMARC (International Mining and Resources Conference) Blockade for Climate Justice in Melbourne.

All images courtesy of Julian Meehan

At the time of writing, around 90 fires are raging across Australia. In Spring. Continue reading

Digging Deeper: Secrets of the Neo-COALonial Movement Unearthed! A Review and a Reflection

Lignite Pitt QC, Hazel Wood, Professor Lord Gaseous Mockington, Pentecostal Minister Sergei Carbonacious III and Coral Bleach Digging Deeper on The Butterfly Club’s main stage

Inspired by a genuine desire to properly acknowledge and honour the mentors and minions who do the most to enable Aussie Coal Diggers’ uniquely entitled ‘way of life’, as well as to warn ordinary citizens of grave dangers to safety and security from extremist-alarmist-elitist-warmists, inner city avocado people and Solar Panelista Revolutionaries, Digging Deeper: Secrets of the Neo-COALonial Movement Unearthed! was a deliciously stunning interactive production like none other ever seen! Continue reading

Digging Deeper: Secrets of the Neo-COALonial Movement Unearthed! live on stage

Pentecostal Minister Sergei Carbonacious III*, BUMS CE02 Coral Bleach, Professor Lord Gaseous Mockington^ and Lignite Pitt QC

Digging Deeper is a satirical exploration of the ties between billionaires, dictators, aggressive ‘fake news’ assaults on democracy and human and environmental abuse. None of that is at all funny, but this show is! Continue reading

‘What Lies Beneath’

The MCA is Australia’s leading contemporary art gallery, aiming to present work that stimulates the imagination, creatively engages our senses and has the power to transform lives.

It was a great privilege for the Climate Guardians to help launch Janet Laurence: After Nature at the Museum of Contemporary Art Australia (MCA) in Sydney on the last official day of Australia’s “unprecedented” Summer of 2019*. Continue reading

A resounding mandate to properly clean up Victoria’s economy

Climate Guardians descended upon the devastated coupes of the logged Mountain Ash Forest to stand with the Knitting Nanas of Toolangi demanding these precious natural forests be protected as part of the Great Forest National Park, May 2016

Dear Daniel Andrews and Team,

We wholeheartedly congratulate you All for your win. Your determined progressive policies to transition our economy away from dirty and wasteful energy systems to clean and renewable power, and investment in long neglected public infrastructure and services to address deep societal inequities and injustice have proven enormously popular. Continue reading