BUMS Election Eve Blitz

BUMS Election Eve Blitz

  Here they are - Coral Bleach and The Coal Heads - at Parliament station standing up for BUMS, ahem, YOUR rightful rights and entitlements on the eve of Australia's Federal Election 2022!   Making sure that peeps don't be fooled by other peeps' FAKE NEWS*!...

COP26 Bridge to Zero Emissions Performance

COP26 Bridge to Zero Emissions Performance

Sunday, 31st October 2021, from 7pm to sunset in Melbourne (from 8am Glasgow, UK time)

A performed installation of newly created music to send a powerful message to United Nations delegates as they arrived for Day 1 of COP26 climate negotiations.

As dusk fell, seven Climate Guardians performed on Melbourne’s iconic Princes Bridge; one Angel for each of the Earth’s continents. Joining as Angels, composers/musicians Susan Bamford Caleo and Elissa Goodrich performed their specially created music arranged for Federation Handbells.

A Deadly Gas Grab

To mark World Environment Day 2021, we're challenging one of Australia's most polluting proposals - BHP & Woodside's Scarborough LNG project. Seriously dodgy carbon accounting practices are enabling fossil fuel companies to exempt emissions from projects that they...

Facts vs Falsehoods and other news

As challenging as well as deeply unfairly felt as lockdowns have been, COVID-19’s capacity to expose democracy’s diseases has been exceptional. At least it seems that a lot more people are seriously considering what the point is of: • leaders who wilfully ignore...

BUMS Stand Up for AGL!

What follows is BUMS official submission to this heinous Victorian Government Inquiry: 24 August 2020 Crib Point Inquiry and Advisory Committee Planning Panels Victoria SUBMISSION: Crib Point gas import jetty and gas pipeline project Dear Sir/Madam, This Inquiry is...

COALvid-19: “Hellscape” for Carbon Barons

In this leaked email from Coal Digger Coral Bleach to ScoMo, Aussie billionaire fossil fuel doyens plead for further massive public handouts.  Dearly Devoted ScoMo, We can't thank you and your fossil fuel friendly office enough for entrusting us with Australia's...

Urgent Message to COP25 Delegates: Time for Cooperative Agreements

As United Nations delegates were arriving for Day 1 of COP25 climate negotiations in Madrid, 624 pairs of hand cast clay skins from Bridget Nicholson’s Touch This Earth Lightly project lay in tight neat rows on the banks of the Yarra River opposite Federation Square...

BHP: Evolve Your Purpose

Dear Mr Henry, Congratulations on your new role as BHP's CEO. We feel encouraged by reports suggesting that you intend continuing BHP's progress in response to fast evolving community expectations that companies take responsibility for their impacts on communities and...

Here To Win Not Fight: IMARC Blockade for Climate Justice

Climate Guardians are immensely proud to have joined hundreds of courageous people from all walks of life—teachers, musicians, traditional custodians, doctors, writers, artists, labourers, nurses, academics and so on—at the recent IMARC (International Mining and...

Submission to the Inquiry into Unconventional Gas in Victoria

Jul 21, 2015

Thank you for the opportunity to provide a submission regarding this important issue.

Unconventional gas is a fossil fuel that is extracted through fracking (a layperson’s term for hydraulic fracturing), a process of fracturing rocks to allow collection of oil and gas. Fluid is pumped under great pressure – enough pressure to cause rock to crack, or fracture along lines of weakness. This widens or forces open gaps and fissures that enable natural gas to escape to the surface. We LOVE it! We LIVE for it!

So, who are we?

The Frackers Guild


We Steampunk ‘resurrectionists’ go back to the dawn of the Industrial Revolution when we began our brisk trade in grave robbing. We have been digging up the earth for centuries to profit from disinterring petrified cadavers and the occasional fossil (not to mention associated fuels). With our venture partners from the unconventional gas industry, we plan to enrich ourselves by disemboweling every square inch of Victoria flushing out its decomposing organic matter of any description – arsenic, lead, mercury, cadmium, chromium and selenium, as well as aluminium, antimony, barium, beryllium, boron, chlorine, cobalt, manganese, molybdenum, nickel, thallium, vanadium, zinc, along with forebears, coal seam gas, saints relics, sewage or whatever else we might find down there in the glorious bowels of the earth, our final frontier.


Fracking is Our Sacred Tradition


Key Note Speakers at Minter Ellison's Coal Seam Gas Symposium

Key Note Speakers at Minter Ellison’s Coal Seam Gas Symposium


Beyond our main source of wealth generation, fracking into the deepest crevices of the Earth is how we experience our highest joy and most divine spiritual connection into our world.


For us it is like a charging prize bull to an immaculately dressed bull fighter! Or harpooning the last living creature of an endangered species! Actually, really, fracking leaves everything else for dead.


Confronting Toxic Misunderstandings


The Frackers Guild is deeply offended that the role we are playing in helping to release global warming greenhouse gas pollution into the atmosphere is being understated.


In our fracking frenzies, methane (aka ‘fugitive emissions’), which is odourless, colourless and highly flammable, is released in quantities that even we have no idea of.[i] And since methane is around 85 times more potent than CO2 in the atmosphere, when viewed over a 20-year time span, we deserve prizes for making things nice and cosy for everyone.[ii]


We also resent that we are not generously financially rewarded for our excellent fracking hygiene standards. For example, we happily use untold amounts of fresh water from the Great Artesian Basin. It’s prime agricultural areas that we love to frack most, and always ensure to leave our mark on landscapes, far and wide. In our mass dis-entombing processes, we spare no benzene, toluene, ethyl benzene and xylene as our fracked groundwater and soils frothily demonstrate, as they warmly glow in the dark.[iii]


Freedom for Frackers


So, Mr Delaney Sir, thank you for your time and consideration. Thank you for feeling the depths of our bottomless needs to freely frack in accordance with our most base primal and high spiritual urges. To deny us our deepest instincts would make you a frackist, for grossly discriminating against us frackers. And this would surely put the Victorian government in breach of its duty of care to protect all Victorian souls from foreseeable suffering.


Frackily Yours,


Earnest Enseamenatarse IV

Chief Lobbyist

On behalf of The Frackers Guild and The Friends of the Gas Industry Grassroots Community Group

[i] http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/12/business/energy-environment/12gas.html?pagewanted=2&_r=1 ‘Studies say natural gas has its own environmental problems’ by Tom Zeller Jr., The New York Times, 11 April 2011

[ii] http://www.climatechange2013.org/images/report/WG1AR5_Chapter08_FINAL.pdf

Myhre, G., D. Shindell, F.-M. Bréon, W. Collins, J. Fuglestvedt, J. Huang, D. Koch, J.-F. Lamarque, D. Lee, B. Mendoza, T. Nakajima, A. Robock, G. Stephens, T. Takemura and H. Zhang, 2013: Anthropogenic and Natural Radiative Forc- ing. In: Climate Change 2013: The Physical Science Basis. Contribution of Working Group I to the Fifth Assessment Report of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change [Stocker, T.F., D. Qin, G.-K. Plattner, M. Tignor, S.K. Allen, J. Boschung, A. Nauels, Y. Xia, V. Bex and P.M. Midgley (eds.)]. Cambridge University Press, Cambridge, United Kingdom and New York, NY, USA

[iii] http://www.gaslandthemovie.com/whats-fracking#frackingprocess ‘Hydraulic Fracturing FAQs’, Gasland, a film by Josh Fox