#COPThis

#COPThis

Australia is one of the highest per capita contributors to global warming. It’s a double irony therefore that Australia is also the most vulnerable inhabited continent and the country most obviously resisting the ‘heavy lifting’ required to effectively combat the most...

#JustTransition #JustDoIt

#JustTransition #JustDoIt

This time last week a flock of Climate Guardians had just returned from a 'visitation' to the Latrobe Valley where they had joined community calls for a #LVTransition for workers (not speculative fossil fuel investors) who will be directly affected by the urgently...

Save Our Aussie Coalture!

Save Our Aussie Coalture!

Meet the Millennia’s latest Neo-Power Couple: Australia’s Coral Bleach & new Senator MALCOLM IEUAN ROBERTS., the living soul, and self-proclaimed, modern-day Socrates. So their eyes met across a sea of canary yellow hard hats... “I’ll just never forget that...

#NoDAPL

#NoDAPL

In the northern USA something exceptional and exceptionally important is happening right now. People have been coming from near and far to stand with indigenous people of the Great Sioux Nation as they seek to protect their sacred lands and water from the threat of an...

BUMS™ Score The Trifecta!

BUMS™ Score The Trifecta!

Surely you’re just as buoyed (and unsurprised) as we are to see Our ‘Mr Coal’ Josh Frydenberg* take charge of Australia’s Energy & Environment! And the failed former Environment Minister Greg Hunt forge ahead as Minister for Industry & Innovation! And...

BUMS™ Score The Trifecta!

BUMS™ Score The Trifecta!

Surely you’re just as buoyed (and unsurprised) as we are to see Our ‘Mr Coal’ Josh Frydenberg* take charge of Australia’s Energy & Environment! And the failed former Environment Minister Greg Hunt forge ahead as Minister for Industry & Innovation! And...

So we lied. What to do about it?

So we lied. What to do about it?

OK. Yes, Yes, Yes it was us! We free-market-liberationist Coal Diggers did it ALL! And LIED! ...As is our democratic right when it comes to profiteering. And haven't we made a killing! That's how we can afford so many minion politicians. So enough judgement already....

Apologies World

Apologies World

Regardless of their diverse backgrounds, most Australians don’t want their beautiful, unique country turned into a giant quarry that would further poison the world with carbon pollution. It was on their behalf—during the week before the 2016 Federal election—that...

Manifesting @Greenwich+Docklands International Festival

Manifesting @Greenwich+Docklands International Festival

  When we touched down in the UK we were in Europe. When we left a few days later it felt like we were fleeing 'Brexit' rubble—a deeply polarised nation. Meanwhile as the mass media obsessed over regional percentages of 'stay’ or 'leave' votes London's...

Climate Guardians Escape Convictions

Climate Guardians Escape Convictions

After three years of peacefully protest-performing without any significant personal risks, a flock of Climate Guardians was finally arrested and criminally charged on 9 February 2016 in the Pilliga State Forest in Northern New South Wales. Given the long history of...

COALvid-19: “Hellscape” for Carbon Barons

Jul 24, 2020

BUMS* CEO2 Coral Bleach poses for Zoom as Australia becomes the world’s biggest digger & dealer

In this leaked email from Coal Digger Coral Bleach to ScoMo, Aussie billionaire fossil fuel doyens plead for further massive public handouts

Dearly Devoted ScoMo,

We can’t thank you and your fossil fuel friendly office enough for entrusting us with Australia’s economy. Free from democratic constraints and any other green tape, our National Coalvid Coordination Commission (NCCC, starring us 🤩) is drilling down even deeper thanks to all that lovely taxpayers’ money!  No virus (or science or economics etc) will stop our turbo fracking!

While Saudi Arabia and Russia were feuding over oil and gas prices – stranding swollen tankers, decimating supply chains and collapsing market confidence in our carbon economy – we Aussie diggers have stolen the prize as The World’s Biggest Fossil Fuels Digger & Dealer!

As you say ScoMo, ‘How Good is Australia’!

But ScoMo mate, beneath our cheers are fears and tears! As market analysts (with reports with nasty names) are showing, carbon share prices had virtually halved during the decade prior to COALvid-19! That’s right, PRIOR to this carbon demand bashing pandemic.

Even with JobKeeper loopholes for billionaires, we’re literally facing collapse!

And all the while, solar and wind extractors have been stealthily invading our market territory, eroding our super profits and generally creating a ‘hellscape’ for us BUMS*!

Amid global calls to ‘build back better’, and for a ‘Great Reset’, we urge you to stand strong with us ScoMo! Don’t give in to the latte sipping, smashed avocado eating greenest alarmists – bring on more fossil fuel subsidies mate!

Don’t forget Who’s Who in Australia! We know you can deliver!

Yours Forever Effluently,

Ms Coral Bleach
CEO2 Billionaires United Mining Services* (BUMS)
ccd to NCCC via your Department of the Prime Minister and Cabinet

PS: BUMS’ political donation on account of the Government’s great work (nudge nudge wink 😉💰!) is in the coal sack that our man servant threw over the walls of Kirribilli House last night.

ScoMo MiraCoal, That Day in Australia’s Parliament