#COPThis

#COPThis

Australia is one of the highest per capita contributors to global warming. It’s a double irony therefore that Australia is also the most vulnerable inhabited continent and the country most obviously resisting the ‘heavy lifting’ required to effectively combat the most...

#JustTransition #JustDoIt

#JustTransition #JustDoIt

This time last week a flock of Climate Guardians had just returned from a 'visitation' to the Latrobe Valley where they had joined community calls for a #LVTransition for workers (not speculative fossil fuel investors) who will be directly affected by the urgently...

Save Our Aussie Coalture!

Save Our Aussie Coalture!

Meet the Millennia’s latest Neo-Power Couple: Australia’s Coral Bleach & new Senator MALCOLM IEUAN ROBERTS., the living soul, and self-proclaimed, modern-day Socrates. So their eyes met across a sea of canary yellow hard hats... “I’ll just never forget that...

#NoDAPL

#NoDAPL

In the northern USA something exceptional and exceptionally important is happening right now. People have been coming from near and far to stand with indigenous people of the Great Sioux Nation as they seek to protect their sacred lands and water from the threat of an...

BUMS™ Score The Trifecta!

BUMS™ Score The Trifecta!

Surely you’re just as buoyed (and unsurprised) as we are to see Our ‘Mr Coal’ Josh Frydenberg* take charge of Australia’s Energy & Environment! And the failed former Environment Minister Greg Hunt forge ahead as Minister for Industry & Innovation! And...

BUMS™ Score The Trifecta!

BUMS™ Score The Trifecta!

Surely you’re just as buoyed (and unsurprised) as we are to see Our ‘Mr Coal’ Josh Frydenberg* take charge of Australia’s Energy & Environment! And the failed former Environment Minister Greg Hunt forge ahead as Minister for Industry & Innovation! And...

So we lied. What to do about it?

So we lied. What to do about it?

OK. Yes, Yes, Yes it was us! We free-market-liberationist Coal Diggers did it ALL! And LIED! ...As is our democratic right when it comes to profiteering. And haven't we made a killing! That's how we can afford so many minion politicians. So enough judgement already....

Apologies World

Apologies World

Regardless of their diverse backgrounds, most Australians don’t want their beautiful, unique country turned into a giant quarry that would further poison the world with carbon pollution. It was on their behalf—during the week before the 2016 Federal election—that...

Manifesting @Greenwich+Docklands International Festival

Manifesting @Greenwich+Docklands International Festival

  When we touched down in the UK we were in Europe. When we left a few days later it felt like we were fleeing 'Brexit' rubble—a deeply polarised nation. Meanwhile as the mass media obsessed over regional percentages of 'stay’ or 'leave' votes London's...

Climate Guardians Escape Convictions

Climate Guardians Escape Convictions

After three years of peacefully protest-performing without any significant personal risks, a flock of Climate Guardians was finally arrested and criminally charged on 9 February 2016 in the Pilliga State Forest in Northern New South Wales. Given the long history of...

Coal Diggers’ Landmark Claim against Mums, Dads and Farmers!

May 17, 2017

Here we are out the front of the prestigious 101 Collins Street tower with our fully automated, artificially intelligent Clean Coal Fairy. Our Coaly Trinity flyers went like hot cakes!

How could we just stand by while poor Gina is being picked on for suing Victorians for $2.7bn for not letting her local pet company, Lakes Oil, frack where it wants, and Guatam fields such unreasonable attacks from all the little people having tanties and trying to #StopAdani from digging & dealing away the Galilee Basin, Great Barrier Reef and global climate? To lend our succour in these hard times, BUMS* great CEO2 Coral Bleach has joined Gina and Guatam in a ‘Coaly Trinity’ of aggrieved fossil fuel billionaires.

Our CEO2 Coral Bleach and Attorney Lignite Pitt QC arguing our case on Level 42, 101 Collins Street. Naturally, everybody at Herbert Smith Freehills adored us and stopped everything to attend to our needs.

So, it’s official, we Coal Digger BUMS* are now formally seeking to retain a prestigious law firm to represent us in a claim for $666 billion in lost profits suffered as a direct consequence of ongoing government failure to address Coal Investile Dysfunction (“CID”). And where best to start but the impressive offices of leading prestigious global law firm Herbert Smith Freehills.

After interviewing prospects at Herbert Smith Freehills, Coral Bleach joined her mentors and fans as the Clean Coal Fairy wowed the crowd

You must know that “CID” is a pernicious and vile contagion that is sweeping global financial markets, thereby wiping out trillions in our rightful profits. We contend that the Magna Carta (on its proper construction) protects fossil fuel billionaires’ entitlement to ongoing compulsory contributions from Australian energy consumers and taxpayers and that this entitlement has been insufficiently protected by successive Australian governments.

Aren’t we an impressive bunch of non-hierarchical billionaire BUMS!

As our Attorney, Lignite Pitt QC of Bigend & Town Solicitors, will be arguing, it’s as a direct result of ongoing egregious governmental failures that elitist, leftant green energy alternatives (i.e. solar extractors on the roofs of mums & dads and wind exploiters in farmers’ fields) have been allowed to undermine the rightful position of coal and to grievously infringe our said entitlement to profits and subsidies. Such assaults on our effluence is plainly unAustralian and we contend that it ‘sounds in’ compensatory and punitive damages under the Investor State Dispute Settlement clauses of neoliberal international agreements that are intended to safeguard our naturally divined profits and effluence.

Isn’t it wonderful how the police drop everything for us billionaires even though we never pay our taxes

As our great leader Coral Bleach proudly identifies as one of the ‘Coaly Trinity’, and our case is compelling from both a legal and moral perspective, we have an expectation that “mates rates” will apply. Of course.

* Billionaires United Mining Services – a joint venture PPP (aka Protecting Private Profits) with Australia’s LNP Leaders and their financial backers.