Climate Guardians Descend on US Consulate Melbourne

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As the new US Republican Administration’s assaults on human rights and environmental protections continue to mount, they’re being met with ongoing and unprecedented demonstrations of determined resistance. Last monday’s ‘Presidents Day’ 2017 (20th February) saw further mass protests with thousands of people in 28 cities across the US taking to the streets, rallying against Donald Trump under the banner of ‘Not My President’

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In support of those standing up against the neoliberal Republican agenda, Climate Guardians descended on the US Consulate in Melbourne early on Monday 20th February to demand urgent action to address the global climate emergency and decry the apparent hijacking of US politics by the fossil fuel industry.

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The Climate Guardians ‘visitation’ followed the anticipated confirmation of Scott Pruitt as head of the US Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), despite him having built his career leading law suits against the EPA’s meagre environment protection laws. Pruitt’s confirmation was rushed through after an Oklahoma judge ordered that emails from a January 2015 open records request be released. The subsequently released documents from the Oklahoma attorney general’s office include more than 7,500 emails and other records exposing Pruitt’s extremely close ties with fossil fuel interests, including the billionaire Koch brothers. And then came the Whitehouse press briefing lock-out of journalists from the Guardian, New York Times, CNN, and Buzzfeed whose reporting of facts doesn’t suit the new US Republican administration’s agenda. No alternative facts can be found to deny that these are the well-oiled tactics of authoritarian dictators.

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In the words of New York attorney general Eric Schneiderman, ‘Personnel is policy, [Trump] is putting in place people that really are at odds—and in some case fundamentally at odds with the purposes of their agencies’. Like former ExxonMobil CEO Rex Tillerson (who was appointed as Secretary of State), Pruitt is a career fossil fuel advocate whose highly paid job demands that he aggressively deny climate change. However, the fact that US solar and wind industries are each creating jobs at a rate twelve times faster than the rest of the economy suggests that fossil fuels are already losing the war.

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The Climate Guardians were later joined by dozens of activists from the Victorian Climate Action Network who are driving calls for a Climate Emergency Declaration, many of whom had come directly from the Melbourne launch of the national #StopAdani campaign. Led by the Australian Youth Climate Coalition and 350 Australia, a series of actions were held outside Westpac offices in Melbourne, Sydney, Canberra, and Brisbane, calling on the bank to rule out funding Adani’s proposed megamine.

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Meanwhile, this week the Andrews Victorian government succeeded in passing amendments to the Victorian Climate Change Act that enshrine a zero-net emissions target by 2050 into law, require governments to set five-yearly interim emissions reduction targets and implement adaptation action plans. In addition to cleaning up our air and water and making our electricity system more resilient, transitioning to smart and secure (battery backed) renewable zero pollution energy systems will create thousands of new jobs and billions of dollars in investment in local communities and economies.

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The fossil fuel industry has known this for a long time. This is not a new drama. The craven hijacking of democratic systems by entrenched vested interests seeking to maintain their power, suggests that the credits are starting to roll. People power will prevail.

* historically a public holiday in honour of George Washington—the first US President and a key ‘Founding Father’ of America’s democratic system—that over time has evolved into an occasion to recognise achievements of all US presidents

The Clean Coal Fairy™ (every polluter’s fantasy)

Federal Cabinet Ministers fondling lumps of coal in parliament is all the evidence needed to prove that digging & dealing & burning is what makes Australia the truly greatest quarry in the world.

To unequivocally allay the doubts of any deniers out there, the Clean Coal Fairy™ has landed! As the latest in Australia’s arsenal of clean coal commercialising technologies, the Clean Coal Fairy™ will solve global worming (real or imagined), save civilisation, as well as the profits of our beleaguered fossil fuel industry, and make Straya proud!

To debunk ideologically motivated rumours that clean coal doesn't exist, Coal Diggers CEO2 Coral Bleach, key Federal Government Ministers and mining industry heavy weights held a press conference at Federal Minister for Environment and Energy Josh Frydenberg's office to announce the innovative Clean Coal Fairy™

To debunk ideologically motivated rumours that clean coal doesn’t exist, Coal Diggers CEO2 Coral Bleach, key Federal Government Ministers and mining industry heavy weights held a high profile press conference at Federal Minister for Environment and Energy Josh Frydenberg’s office to announce the innovative Clean Coal Fairy™

Coal Digger’s CEOCoral Bleach said: ‘With just a wave of her magic wand, the Clean Coal Fairy can turn Australian coal into the cleanest and greenest coal ever, like poof!’

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Given the clever country’s love of BBQ’s and burning coal generally, there’s never been a better time to be a proud Australian taxpayer, insisted the Clean Coal Fairy’s™ creator Adjunct Professor Greenhouses of the esteemed Flat Earth Institute from the Universitarse of Climatastropharse (est. 1033AD).

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“Our joint venture partners in the Federal Government got it instantly. They can see that the Clean Coal Fairy is a real game changer and not just an alternative fact’ added Ms Bleach.

The Coal Diggers’ tirelessly efficient Clean Coal Fairy miraculously turns tonnes of dirty coal into clean coal with just a wave of her magic wand! It’s true. You can see for yourself!

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It’s simply not true that the Clean Coal Fairy™ is an idiotic Trump-like fantasy, as reported by Independent Australia. She’s real! She’s ‘bewitching’! So never forget, miracles can happen! Wishes can come true (see below for the non-alternative evidence)!

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‘Coal by Josh and Matt’ (and Malcolm) grades high-rank

Dear Poet,

Thank you for submitting to ClimAct’s inaugural Pen a Coal Poem for Christmas Competition.

In case you didn’t read the automated disclaimer carefully—as Gina’s A1-devotee—Coral Bleach’s Our Profits was always entitled to win. Like Gina, Coral must always wins. It’s true. Ask anyone.

Howevs, in accepting her own high-rank grading award for Our Profits, in the spirit of open-pit, Coral also recited your deeply meriting substrata-submission. Given its underlying devotion to all matters coal and clean energy subsidies forthwith, we’re convinced Malcolm Turnbull also did some of the heavy lifting* and trust that you’ll duly share your coal prize with Our Giant Quarry’s PM.

Yours forever in fossil fossils,

The Coal Diggers 💋

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Coal by Josh Frydenberg and Matt Canavan

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

An open cut coal mine pit can reach, when feeling out of sight

I love thee to the level of every day’s

Noise, dust and environmental destruction that coal mining brings to people and health

I love thee expensively as only bribes from the mining industry can be

I love thee purely, as they turn a green idyll into and choking, dust laden wasteland

I love thee with the passion put to use to get as much money as I can before the global market turns the taps off

I shall but love thee better after the many millions that die due to coal pollution pass away each year

* our proper props and thanks go to ghost writer Cyclone Charlie!