As always, the latest Institute of Public Affairs gala was a glorious occasion for us billionaire miners! We hobble-knobbled among corporate global giants including Texas Public Policy Foundation & Koch Brothers funded Chuck DeVore whose advice to the rapturous crowd of Aussies was, “here’s hoping that some day you too can find your Donald Trump!”
Also among the mineral-atti were Gina Rinehart’s Lady in Waiting former federal LNP front bencher Sophie Mirabella, the former federal ALP Resources and Energy Minister turned fossil fuel lobbyist Martin Ferguson, the current Victorian LNP Shadow Treasurer and former Minister for Energy and Resources Michael O’Brien and Shadow Minister for Energy and Resources (and Renewables) David Southwick, as well as Victoria’s Earth Resources Regulation’s Bessie Abbott and former LNP Senator and neoliberal champion Rod Kemp.
Upon arriving, effluent A-listers were greeted with a coalabratory carbon poetry slam featuring our very own ‘Our Profits’, which was greatly (as Donald would say) inspired by Gina’s epic ‘universe’s worst poem’.
Before long aspiring billionaire miner police officers joined the gathering, captivated by the billionaire miners unique coalture.
We’re beyond proud to present our special coaltry (or possibly poaltry?)
Billionaires are sadly groaning from Coal Investile Dysfunction
This vile contagion is spreading around the globe, an epidemic out of control
Billions in our rightful profits are threatened as our visa workers are left to ponder
Solar panels are swamping our shores wreaking chaos, threatening our economy
Giant wind turbines are generating ferocious storms, threatening our bounty
That much a blind man could see, we must secure our booty!
But on this special night we celebrate our giant quarries, our minerals that delight
You can see for yourself the magic we do with sacred sites!
Think of all the ancient souls liberated from eternal substrata entrapment
So forget your Great Barrier Reef, our plans for Uluru will astound you!
Just give us your soils and souls
Relax now Aussies, know that you can trust us to do the heavy lifting
Before it is too late!