BUMS™ Score The Trifecta!

Coal Diggers welcoming guests at Frydenberg's Kooyong 200 Club's sneaky fundraising brekkie, March 2016

Coal Diggers welcoming guests at Frydenberg’s Kooyong 200 Club’s sneaky fundraising brekkie, March 2016

Surely you’re just as buoyed (and unsurprised) as we are to see Our ‘Mr Coal’ Josh Frydenberg* take charge of Australia’s Energy & Environment! And the failed former Environment Minister Greg Hunt forge ahead as Minister for Industry & Innovation! And celebrated climate septic Matt Canavan unearth our remaining ‘Resources’ (not that we’re running out LOL)!

Coal Diggers delivering Environment Minister Greg Hunt coal for Christmas just days after he approved the world's biggest coal mine in Queensland, just days after agreeing to COP21's declaration to limit temperature increases below 2 degrees

Coal Diggers delivering Environment Minister Greg Hunt coal for Christmas just days after he approved the world’s biggest coal mine in Queensland, just days after agreeing to COP21’s declaration to limit temperature increases below 2 degrees

It’s as our ‘Mr Coal’ himself says: “Resources is to the Australian economy what the baggy green is to Australian sport: totemic; iconic; indispensable to our national story and synonymous with our national identity.” And for the record Mr Coal most definitely was not then talking about our sun-drenched and windswept quarry. Er country.

Bébès, just between us, know that it’s no coincidence that tonnes of secretive donations trickling down through the covert web of Coal-ition & Institute of Public Affairs ‘clubs’ have paid off for us Coal Diggers.

Coal Diggers with BUMS Gina, Ruppie and Johnny from IPA, welcoming the press at the Green Group Inquisition, September 2015

Coal Diggers with BUMS Gina, Ruppie and Johnny from IPA, welcoming the press at the Green Group Inquisition, September 2015

In case you’re under any illusions as to the power of our effluence, here we are with Mr Coal welcoming our fellow BUMS† of the Kooyong 200 Club. You’ve got to get up pretty early to hide so many political donations!

Coral Bleach mingling with Kooyong 200 BUMS at Frydenberg's sneaky fundraising brekkie, March 2016

Coral Bleach mingling with Kooyong 200 Club BUMS at Frydenberg’s sneaky fundraising brekkie, March 2016

 

On a final note, Readers, whatever you do, DO NOT associate with those extremist, alarmist, elitist Climate Guardian Angel #Karens! They’re DANGEROUS to our profits! See…

Mothers and Grandmothers portending at Federal Minister for Resources & Energy Josh Frydenberg's office on Mothers Day eve 2016

Mothers and Grandmothers portending at Federal Minister for Resources & Energy Josh Frydenberg’s office on Mothers Day eve 2016

 

†Billionaires United Mining Services, a PPP venture partnership with the Coal-ition and Murdoch media empire

* ta Andrew Bolt

So we lied. What to do about it?

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Photo by Peter Hannam, Sydney Morning Herald

OK. Yes, Yes, Yes it was us! We free-market-liberationist Coal Diggers did it ALL!

And LIED! …As is our democratic right when it comes to profiteering.

And haven’t we made a killing! That’s how we can afford so many minion politicians.

So enough judgement already. It was perfectly natural behaviour for unimaginably effluent and powerful people. It’s your problem if your laws are ‘absolute crap’. In fact, if you continue with this discriminatory unearthing of our deceptions we’ll subspeeana the lot of you! Starting with those pesky Climate Guardian Angels popping up left right and centre…

2014-11-28 08.52.41So, moving on. To capitalise on what’s left before the global climate & economy melts down, and in keeping with our democratic principles, we’re including you ALL as stars in our epic Game of Coal serial adventures (think Psycho meets The Road). So don’t be ungrateful.

CDsCanberraCSIROThanks to our media empire, you too can follow our historic $ trail and discover how we “developed a sophisticated and deceitful campaign that funded think tanks and front groups, and paid public relations firms to deny, counter, and obfuscate peer-reviewed research” and “used that misinformation campaign to mislead the public and cast doubt in order to protect [our] financial interest.”

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Image by David Robinson

Trust us to entertain you. We’ll mine your emotions too. Surely, you’ll feel exposed as the depths to which Australia has punched above its global tonnage are unveiled!

Still not sure Bébes? Good grief, just take a look at the Barrier Reef!

And in case you missed it, here we are hobnobbing with Lord Monckton – what a sweetie precious that man is! And at the world premiere of ‘Climate Hustle’ and our fellow BUMS™(Billionaires United Mining Services) from the Heartland Institute’s counter-COP21 conference at the swanky, aptly named Hotel California in Paris!

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Naturally we’d like to humbly, gratefully acknowledge the relentlessly uninhibited succour of the Institute of Public Affairs (IPA, aka the Coalition) for funding our team of ‘Expertants’ (aka industry consultants) from the Flat Earth Institute. You know the old guys, the medieval astronomers headquartered in the Cayman Islands?

Love,

The Coal Diggers xx

PS Remember, whatever you do, stay away from those Climate Guardian Angels! They mean trouble with a capital T! They manifest in flocks a bit like this…

Climate Guardians from Australia Climacts.org.au at entrance to COP21 on the first day, reminding delegates of their duties — while civil guardians of the event security team stand watch also. Oldest is 17 year old June Norman is a mother of five, a grandmother of eight and a great-grandmother of three children. She is the first person in Australia to have been arrested for taking direct action against gas fracking.

Climate Guardians at the COP21 entrance at dawn on the first day, reminding delegates of their duties — while civil guardians of the event security team stand watch also. One of them pictured is a 75 year old mother of five, grandmother of eight and a great-grandmother of three children as well as the first person in Australia to have been arrested for taking direct action against gas fracking.

Apologies World

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Image by Raphael Wold Lane

Regardless of their diverse backgrounds, most Australians don’t want their beautiful, unique country turned into a giant quarry that would further poison the world with carbon pollution. It was on their behalf—during the week before the 2016 Federal election—that Climate Guardians delivered strong messages to Australian embassies in London and Paris which served as key voting centres.

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Image by Raphael Wold Lane

The first ‘visitation’ was early on Monday 27 June, the morning after the Climate Guardians’ weekend of performances for the Greenwich+Docklands International Festival. Carrying a hand-painted banner reading ‘All lives depend on a safe climate. Keep coal, oil and gas in the ground’ four Australian Climate Guardians blockaded the main entrance to Australia’s embassy in London. Senior management were quick to respond with assurances that it was not our message that was a problem but rather that we were blocking the embassy’s entrance. It was hard to say whether we were in breach of any laws given that we were standing on public property.

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Image by Raphael Wold Lane

Nevertheless—with trains to catch early that afternoon—once we were satisfied that we’d strongly made our point and had plenty of images to prove it, we walked our banner through the streets down to the swollen banks of the Thames. As if that weekend’s Brexit vote hadn’t thrown people into enough disarray, flooding from extreme weather had thrown London’s tube into chaos. Still, making our way through the underground stations and streets of London we felt more than welcome and encouraged by local people’s enchanted responses.

Image by Marie Delbot

A few days later another flock of Climate Guardians manifested in Paris on 29th June. In recent weeks locals had been coping with major, costly disruptions as a result of the devastating deluge that struck France. In central Paris the River Seine rose six meters. As its banks burst nearby roads, parks and properties were submerged, forcing the closures of commuter lines and local businesses. In a race to safeguard precious artworks, The Louvre and the Musee d’Orsay closed their doors to move treasures out of their basements. It was another tough blow to a city still reeling from last November’s gruesome terror attacks.

Image by Marie Delbot

Having been not much more than six months since another flock of Climate Guardians was in Paris, it was touching that so many people recognised us on the streets and in the metro. On our way to the Australian embassy we were fortunate to bump into a group of Australian women who had already been there to vote. Some of them were familiar with our work and it was a pleasant surprise when they returned to actively join our demonstration.

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Image by Marie Delbot

Presenting our banner ‘All lives depend on a safe climate. Keep coal, oil and gas in the ground’ at the entrance to the Australian embassy we were advised to leave the grounds of the embassy immediately. Defying these instructions for long enough to get some good images, we were in fact more than pleased to set up on the corner of the main road where we could engage with many more people, many of whom were on their way to or from the Eiffel Tower. To peoples’ delight three exceptionally talented Angel musicians played classical music on cello and viola.

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Image by Marie Delbot

While the Angel musicians played a few Australian ‘Angels’ went in to the embassy to vote. Even without her wings the security guards weren’t quite sure what to do with the one dressed in white. After making a few calls they finally let her through to the voting section. Meanwhile, the spectacle outside had captivated a sports presenter from Sky Italia who took extensive footage promising to run it on his evening’s program. ‘I agree that this is critically important and this is such a beautiful way to express it. I just love this,’ said the aptly named Angelo.

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Image by Marie Delbot

So what did we learn from our whirlwind experiences in the UK and Paris?

At least everybody that we met was aware that climate change was devastating the globally iconic Great Barrier Reef and that the Australian government was failing in its role of caretaker. We were touched by strangers’ openness and felt deeply honoured and humbled working with dedicated, talented local ‘climate angels’, both in and out of costumes. Meaningfully engaging with the general public and working closely and tirelessly with new people prepared to generously give their time and talent is not only joyful it’s a demonstration of the sort of community leadership the world most needs now.

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Image by Peter Hart

Manifesting @Greenwich+Docklands International Festival

 

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When we touched down in the UK we were in Europe. When we left a few days later it felt like we were fleeing ‘Brexit’ rubble—a deeply polarised nation.

Meanwhile as the mass media obsessed over regional percentages of ‘stay’ or ‘leave’ votes London’s underground transport system was in chaos due to mass flooding. Again. Nobody we spoke with denied that human induced climate change was largely responsible for the ongoing—at times tropical-style—torrential rain.

There’s no question that the ‘Brexit’ narrative was nasty and base in frightening ways. Given the artful methods in which UK’s ruling elite has been further amassing obscene wealth via EU land subsidies while imposing harsh austerity measures on the most vulnerable local workers its no wonder that so many disenfranchised people employed what little power they do have to vote for change. Uncertain as it may be.

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In such situations we think it best to unpack what independent information is available for public scrutiny with a pragmatic approach.

And to follow $-trails behind what may be hidden agendas. To ask questions such as:

  1. Which country appears married to gas fracking as the highly destructive, hence controversial extraction technology is being banned in successive European Union countries?
  2. Which country stands to lose the most from a Financial Transaction Tax (aka Robin-hood or Tobin Tax) of circa .01%-0.1% of the value of institutional share market trading?
  3. In which country does the Murdoch media empire—a key mouthpiece for environmentally destructive industries—control the so-called ‘news’ of the day?

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Arranged by the awesome Pippa Bailey from Performing Lines, the Climate Guardians performances at Greenwich+Docklands International Festival (GDIF) reached several thousand people between the 24th and 27th June 2016. With children, parents and carers we conducted ‘Climate Guardian’ wing-making workshops while discussing the necessary steps leaders must take to preserve nature and safeguard humanity.

At the Festival we met people from all around the world and found that most were already aware and deeply concerned that the Great Barrier Reef is dying and feel strongly that the Australian government is failing to protect this precious world heritage listed environment asset. It goes without saying that people were entirely shocked to learn that within days of committing to the Paris Climate Agreement the Turnbull Government had approved the world’s largest coal extraction project adjacent to the Reef’s Marine Park. We assured them that a growing number of Australians are now pressuring decision makers at all levels to consider both our precious Reef and the global climate re all decision making. Of course with more voices calling for climate and environment security the louder we’ll be heard.

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In addition to wing making workshops we hosted a ‘Shoes for Hope’ installation reminiscent of the community display of shoes in La Republique on the eve of COP21 in Paris.

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On that occasion the shoes represented people who would have been in the Climate People’s March had Paris not been thrown into a state of emergency—including an all out ban on public protesting—following the brutal terrorist attacks unleashed a couple of weeks earlier.

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At GDIF 2016 our installation served as both a tribute to those whose lives were shattered in Paris in November 2015 and a warning that if drastic measures aren’t urgently taken by leaders everywhere we will witness uncontrollable mass migrations of people as climate change destroys local environments. People were invited to place their own shoes within our installation and to consider what impacts a changing climate would have on people and nature around the world. They were also encouraged to write or draw messages to world leaders about what steps must be urgently taken now to avoid the most devastating impacts of climate change.

Over the weekend spates of unseasonal torrential rain served to reinforce our climate messaging. An irony not lost on festival goers.

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Despite the crazy weather, GDIF 2016 was a truly heart-warming experience. We connected with the most divine local Angels and could not have been more pleased with peoples’ responses to our ‘visitation’. It’s been an absolute privilege to have seeded many new ‘Climate Guardians’ in the UK – at a time when they’re needed most.

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