Frackers’ Guild Joins Forces with the Gas Industry

Clean Water Be Dammed, Burn the Renewable Energy Heretics!

The Frackers’ Guild goes back to the year 1033AD to the time when there was a brisk trade in biblical relics and Saint’s body parts. These ‘resurrectionists’ have been digging up the earth for centuries in the name of science, to prove the truth of biblical events such as the Great Flood. They profit from disinterring relics from Noah’s Arc, and body parts from Saints. Now we have proof that the Saints farted: Coal Seam Gas!

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Finally, they’ve found someone else fighting a similar battle – the Gas industry that also wants to disembowel every square inch of the earth’s surface, for its brisk trade also in decomposing organic matter.  The Frackers’ Guild is keen to work together, to strategise, and join forces against the evil conspiracy of Renewable Energy that threatens both our profits.

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We proudly join the Gas industry in shunning scientific studies showing that the use and disposal of large volumes of chemical-laden fracking water could contaminate water tables and trigger earthquakes, and that far greater emissions of methane (typically 85 to 90 per cent of natural gas) may be being released into the atmosphere than suspected.[1] Who cares if methane has a far more potent affect than CO2 in the atmosphere, when viewed over a twenty-year time span? Life was fabulous in the Medieval Warming Period, frack away we say!

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Learn the timeless art of substrata profiteering from one of our leading scholars: Adjunct Fractious of the Universitas of Apocolyptia, Emeritus Enseaminatus of the Universitas of Cataclysm, Chancellor Gaseous of the Universitas of Armageddon, and Vice-Chancellor Carbonaceous of the Universitas of Annihilationa

[1] http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=fracking-­‐would-­‐emit-­‐methane

LEAKED: Flat Earth Institute Submission to Senate Inquisition on Wind Turbines

To help inspire everyone who is currently writing submissions for the Senate Select Committee on Wind Turbines, we thought it would be useful to include an example of some of the other submissions that have been written for the inquiry. Unfortunately this submission is an example of flatulence in the extreme, and so we are neither endorsing the position outlined by The Flat Earth Institute, nor are we recommending that you copy and paste the text from it!

Flat Earth Inst LogoThe Flat Earth Institute

Universitarse of Climatastrophas, Uranus, Parallel Dimension, Another Galaxy, 000111

17 March 2015
Select Committee on Wind Turbines
PO Box 6100
Parliament House
Canberra, ACT 2600

To the Senate Select Committee on Wind Turbines,

Dear Esteemed Senators,

We are writing to you on the matter of the current inquisition into wind turbines. Let us introduceth ourselves. We are medieval astronomers from the esteemed Flat Earth Institute of the Universitarse of…

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MEDIA RELEASE: Flat Earth Institute endorse Senator Madigan’s wind energy witch hunt

MEDIA RELEASE: 23 March, 2015

Today, the Flat Earth Institute has thrown its weight behind the Senate Select Committee on Wind Turbines, endorsing the inquisition.

The inquisition, chaired by long-standing critic of wind energy Senator John Madigan (DLP), is the second senate inquiry into the technology since 2011 and the fourteenth review conducted by an Australian government or agency in six years.

Article Lead - wide6570938411z62oimage.related.articleLeadwide.729x410.134doo.png1422938375063.jpg-620x349 Chair of the Senate Select Committee on Wind Turbines, Senator John Madigan (DLP)

“We proudly endorseth Senator John Madigan’s inquisition into wind energy. It buildeth on our legacy of denying enlightenment and excelling at witch-hunts,” said Professor Greenhausen of the Flat Earth Institute.

“As Senator Madigan hath stated ‘Submarines are the spaceships of the oceans’. Ye satanic windmills are verily heathen science bequeathed by snollygosters that fail to honour the old ways and displeaseth the coal gods.”

The Flat Earth Institute would like to remind the public that the submissions close at 5pm…

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Coal Diggers Launch New Cookbook

The Coal Diggers – Coral Bleach and Hazel Wood launched their new book ‘Cooking with Coal & Gas: Recipes for Disaster’, at a champaign breakfast the morning before the Victorian State Election 2014.

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The Coal Diggers will frack with everyone. During the election campaign the ALP refused to rule out new coal & gas projects, meaning that the B.U.M.S. have still won the election! Hence the pre-election celebrations.

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All the barons came to our table today and ate our dirt, because our dirt tastes the best!

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The Exploited Youth (The XY’s) did an excellent job waiting on the Billionaires United Mining Services (The B.U.M.S.) hand and foot, despite the occasional unruly entitled billionaire throwing a lump of coal in their general direction.

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The Ghost of Industrialization Past made a cameo to give her blessing to the proceedings.

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Tony and Gina came to the ‪#‎coalparty‬, because they love a good coal shafting of the ABC in the morning.

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The media were at the ‪#‎coalparty‬ with all the big wigs and even bigger wigs.

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After the ‪#‎coalparty‬, the B.U.M.S., Exploited Youth and the Ghost of Industrialisation Past ran into Senator Sarah Hanson-Young while she was ordering coffee…

Those dastardly greens! Challenging our coal-normativity!

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The Coal Diggers new cook book, you’ll die for it, if it’s the last thing you do.

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Anglesea Visitation

The Climate Guardians were invited by the lovely people of Anglesea to visit the horrible Anglesea Power Station today. A disgrace that this heavily polluting facility is located so close to a primary school and the homes of residents.

 

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Anglesea is the third worst polluting plant in Australia, so close to our pristine beaches, houses and schools.

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Climate Guardians were quite forlorn when visiting the ghastly Anglesea open cut coal mine today.

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While visiting Anglesea we were given a scenic tour of the beach accompanied by lovely local angels.

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In such idyllic surrounds it is hard to believe the grossly polluting and obsolete Alcoa Anglesea coal plant is continuing to operate!

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Thank-you Surf Coast Air Action for being such wonderful hosts, we hope we can visit your picturesque seaside village again soon!

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